


Memory loss

by nothing_much



Series: The blonde guy [2]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: AU, M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 14:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18075545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothing_much/pseuds/nothing_much
Summary: Roberts POV





	Memory loss

I’m sitting in a chair, in a room in a hospital. One moment I’m walking down the street with my gorgeous husband to be discussing whether to invite some of his distant cousins, or not . The next, it’s all chaos, and panic. And we end up here. Him in a bed, me on a chair, waiting anxiously for him to wake up, so that the doctor can examine him properly. As for now I only know that he’s got a concussion. They can’t say more until he wakes up.

I feel numb. He looks so fragile as he’s just laying there. No movement, pale in the face and completely relaxed. I just want him to wake up. To know he’s all right. That there is nothing wrong with him. It’s only been an hour. I’ve managed to call my sister and his mother. Hopefully they will arrive soon, I need the support. 

Somewhere I wonder if it’s destiny trying to tell me something. I always knew it. He is too good for me, I’m not good enough for him. I am and always will be a bad person, even if he makes want to be better, he makes me a better person. As I sit there and wallow in my own thoughts I see him starting to stir in bed. My eyes glue themselves to his body. He’s been out of it for the better parts of a couple of hours. 

The groan as he wakes up tells me he has to hurt. Possible his head. Robert starts to worry. He’s tired, worried, and well if anyone asks, except Aaron, he’d never admit it, but he’s also scared. Scared that Aaron will be really hurt. Scared that he will have to spend time to recuperate, and while he’s having the time to lay there and think, Aaron will realise that he is way to good for a slippey, selfish and manipulative guy like Robert. The blow to his head may have been enough for him to come to his senses. 

It seemed like Aaron was waking up, he checked again, yes, his eyes was opened. He stood up and moved towards the bed, slowly. He bent in over the still figure in the bed, aiming for a kiss, but as Aaron opened his eyes. Robert realised that Aaron didn’t recognise him. Mainly from the way he flinched and the empty look in his eyes. His concern sparked again, and he pushed the call button before he went towards the door. He’d go out in the corridor and call a doctor. There was something very wrong with Aaron. He could feel it in his stomach, the way it churned. Before he reached the door though a nurse looked in. 

“Go get a doctor, please” he pleaded, “he’s woken up, hurry!”.the churn in his stomach had turned into a ache. He was trying to calm himself down. The nurse would see to it that the doctor would come, and everything would be alright. No need to feel like this. He tried to hide the frantic look in his face before he turned towards Aaron again. 

The doctor soon came. He greeted them and told them his name before he went up to Aaron and started to examine him. Robert felt kind of relief seeing that Aaron seemed to remember his name, and answered with it when asked about it. Then it all went south. Or … Well. Aaron seemed to think he was 16 years old. He couldn’t help himself and started to laugh, the nurse looked at him with an admonishing glare. He tried to hide the sound behind a cough. He didn’t think he fooled anyone, since both Aaron and the doctor looked towards him with frowns on their faces. Aaron looked kind of suspicious now.

“Do you know what day it is” the doctor asked Aaron. Who was a couple of days off with his answer. He seemed to guess that it wasn’t Tuesday, and Robert could see him getting worried. 

“Is it not Tuesday” he could hear anxiety in Aarons voice as he asked his question. He could see how concern spread on the doctor, and the nurses faces. He could feel his own concern spike. What if Aaron really thought he was 16. Would he even know who Robert was? Recognise him? He didn’t even know Robert in his teens. And from all Robert knew, he was having all kinds of problems back then. 

There was a noise and suddenly, thank god, Vic bursted through it. She looked at Aaron in his bed and walked up beside Robert. He felt the support oozing from her. It was astounding what someone could do, just walking through a door. Well, Vic wasn’t just anyone, she was amazing, as a person, and as a sister. Aaron had known her when he was 16, they had been friends longer than that. He hoped that her presence would be helping them both. 

The doctor seemed to be done with the examination, and turned towards them. 

“He seems to be doing fine” the doctor told them, relief washed through Robert’s veins. 

“except for the memory loss, Robert’s heart missed a beat. He’d heard it, but he didn’t want to believe it. 

“which probably is only temporary, and he will be back to his normal self soon. He needs his rest and we’ll keep him here until the concussion is gone, should be out by tomorrow or the day after” he could hardly concentrate on what the doctor said, and was again grateful Vic was there. He saw Aaron frown in the bed, and suddenly he saw Chas crashing through the door. If Vic had bursted, Chas crashed. There was no other word to describe it. The feeling of relief was suddenly cemented. He wasn’t alone with this anymore. 

Chas scanned the room, looked at the doctor who promptly left, and settled for Robert. He was squirming a little under her glare. Questions started to spurt out of her mouth:

“What’s going on? What happened? What did the doctor say?” Robert didn’t know where to start. He felt lost. Still. He started with the most obvious thing:

“Calm down Chas”. He worried he’d get a smack over his head, but valiantly looked her in the eyes. 

“Robert” she said in a stern voice, which made Robert squirm even more. “what happened?”  
It was painful to relive it, but he soldiered on and tried to tell them. He noticed that Aaron was listening too. 

“We were walking down the street discussing, well you know, and all of a sudden a car came out of nowhere, Aaron jumped out of the way, but fell and hit his head on the curb” Robert tried to tell them all as fast as possible. Since Aaron didn’t seem to recognise him, he didn’t want to go into what they had been discussing. He didn’t know how he would take it, at all. Wedding cakes, flowers and guests. Well they had been discussing guests. Robert made a promise to himself that Aaron could invite anyone he wanted to, if he only still wanted to marry Robert when this was all over. He had to tell them the rest. He grinded his teeth and continued.

“He think he’s 16 and that he was on his way home from school” as he told them, he saw Aarons eyes focus on him. He looked surprised. Robert wondered what was going on in his head. The pain in his stomach was back, and he could taste bile in his mouth. 

Chas turned from him, to Aaron,

“What’s wrong love`” she asked concerned. 

Vic took a step forward, and told Chas that she didn’t think that Aaron didn’t recognise her or her brother. Robert agreed silently. He went back, and sat in the chair while Chas continued to ask Aaron questions, he seemed to recognise her anyway. He confirmed that he didn’t know who either Robert or Vic were. It felt like another punch. He groaned, his first instinct was to protect himself. His instinct was to leave. Just go away. To avoid this heartache. But he couldn’t it would hurt as much as staying. He’d always been a coward. Time to gather himself and be brave. 

He heard Chas telling Aaron that Liv was on her way in. Liv, and he could see the fear in Aaron’s face. He moved forward in his chair.

“Your dad’s not coming” he tried to sooth Aaron, who looked even more confused with that statement. He looked at them, confusion and fear was present in his face. Robert could do anything by now to make it go away. But there was nothing he could think of.

Suddenly Aaron looked at VIc, and said her name. Like he knew her. The confirmation only seemed to make Aaron tired. But before he could close his eyes, Liv stumbled through the door. Robert smirked, could no one in this family walk through a door properly? Aaron didn’t seem to recognise her either. But he finally asked the question Robert’d been waiting for.

“How long was I out”

That one he could answer. He looked around them, and told him bluntly:

“A couple of hours, but you seem to have lost about 10 years or so” 

That seemed to shake Aaron, shock him. He finally looked straight at him. Met his eyes and with a strained voice he asked:

“10 years?”

By now Robert didn’t really know anything. He wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. He wanted to hug the life out of Aaron, but since Aaron didn’t recognise him, he couldn’t. He wanted to find someone and scream insults at them. Argue. Tell someone off. Make someone else hurt worse than he hurt. 

Chas shooed them out of the room then. Robert felt relief at the same time he wanted to go back in immediately. He made sure there was a gap in the door, so that he could hear it if something happened with Aaron. He listened to Chas as she told them to make it easy on Aaron, she went through the facts he’d already figured out, that Aaron didn’t know him, or Liv. That he lived at Paddy’s, and that he probably had not even started to think about being gay himself or was in denial. That it was best to not talk about the engagement or wedding at all. He moaned out loud at that, but he understood. He agreed even if it hurt. Still Aaron was more important. He was. 

They went back into the room. Aaron was asleep. He went up to the bed, and placed a kiss on his cheek, and stroked his hair, before he went back to the chair and sat down. He sighed. He sat there looking at Aaron until he started to stir again. Then he stood up, walked up to his bed and stood there at the headboard of the bed. He wanted to slip into the bed and really hug Aaron, but he waited. And hoped for the best. 

Aaron seemed to look around for the others before he asked about them. Robert told him where they were, and hoped that they would bring him something to eat, he started to get hungry. Aaron seemed more talkative though. 

He smirked at the man in the bed as he asked him if he was on guard duty. If only he knew how much Robert wanted to be there. How much he would want Robert to be there if it wasn’t for his memory loss. He looked so small, and so confused. 

“Something like that” he answered. He couldn’t help reaching out to touch, but remembered at the last moment when Aaron flinched, and pulled his hand back, tried to make it inconspicuous by scratching his face instead, he could see he didn’t fool Aaron but at least he tried. 

Aaron looked at him. “So, you’re the fiancé?” he asked. Hope rose in Roberts chest. 

“You remember?” he asked and reached out for Aaron’s hand. 

“No, I heard you through the door, you’re engaged to my mum” Aaron said, and trashed the hope with his words. Robert cringed. He felt uncomfortable, really. How could he explain this, should he? When all he wanted was to hold Aaron close, and never let go. 

“No” he answered.

“So, who are you exactly?” Aaron asked him. He cringed again, who was he? What should he say, how could he answer, without making it awkward. He was saved by Liv and Chas re-entering the room, and settled for a short answer.

“I’m Robert” he said, he hoped that his name would start something. Maybe Aaron would remember. But no. Not that easy. Liv got on the train, and told him her name to, and who she was. Robert was relieved when he saw Aaron smile at Liv. The first smile he’d seen on the man since the accident. Suddenly Aaron spoke up.

“You know you all don’t have to be here” he said. Robert’s heart skipped a beat. He knew, really knew that it was him Aaron wanted gone. Especially since it was him Aaron looked at, while talking. He was on his way to offer to leave, when Chas spoke out, started leaving, bringing Liv with her. He saw the shock on Aaron’s face as they left, Chas telling Aaron that they’d be back tomorrow and shooing Liv out. 

There was an awkward silence and Robert decided that giving Aaron space was the right thing to do. 

“I’ll leave you to it” he said, and headed back to the chair. He sat back and looked down at his hands. 

“Who are you? Really?” Aaron’s voice broke the silence. 

Robert hesitated. “All you need to know right now, is that I’m Robert” he answered. He thought about how to continue, and decided on “and I’ll be here for you. Tell me if you need anything, and I’ll get it” he concluded. He took a sip of his coffee, and a bite out of the sandwich that Chas had brought him coming back from the cafeteria. The nurse entered with food for Aaron, who looked disgusted with it. Robert smiled. 

As Aaron ate, he suddenly looked over, and looked uncomfortable. Robert wondered what he thought about. He didn’t want to ask. His self esteem couldn’t take much more. And he didn’t want to lash out on Aaron in this state, well in any state. As soon as he’d finished his meal. He seemed to fall into a restless sleep. Robert watched him toss and turn. He couldn’t help it, he moved the chair closer, and put a hand on Aaron’s hip. It was like magic. Aaron calmed down and seemed to slip into a deeper sleep. Robert sighed. Aaron seemed to unconsciously calm by his presence. 

He sat there, staring at Aaron sleeping. When he started to move restlessly again, breaths increasing in speed, Robert could feel Aaron starting to panic, and he started talking in a soft and soothing voice. He recognised that Aaron was probably having nightmares. He started telling him how much he loved him, how much he wished that this hadn’t happened. When he started squirming he continued talking, telling Aaron how strong he was, what he had accomplished the last couple of years, and how much everybody cared about him. He told him that his dad was gone, and wouldn’t come back, he told him everything he needed to hear, all the while stroking his forehead. As Aaron screamed out in agony, he continued stroking and telling him truths and trying to calm him down. As he realised Aaron was conscious he stopped stroking, but continued to talk. He heard the nurse enter, and turned to look at her, she looked worried, and asked him if there were anything wrong. 

“It’s only a nightmare” he told the nurse, while stroking Aaron’s face. He kept his voice calm, and at the right tone, so that it wouldn’t disturb Aaron, whose breath started to sound normal again. 

He looked at Aaron, who seemed determined and well. He looked angry. Robert hoped that it was the nightmare lingering, not something he’d done. 

“Who are you?” Aaron demanded, he seemed frustrated “and what are you doing here in the middle of the night? Why isn’t my mum, Paddy or Vic here? Why you?” Robert felt like he was drowning in questions. 

Since he didn’t really know how to respond, he just stated the same thing he’d said before Aaron fell asleep. “I’, Robert” which only seemed to frustrate the man in the bed further. 

“I know that, but who is Robert” 

Robert hesitated. He didn’t want to confuse Aaron any more. Didn’t want to push him, make him feel awkward. And he didn’t want to be rejected himself. 

“I don’t know if I should answer that” he settled on and shrugged. 

The stubborn demand of an answer from Aaron made him want to respond. 

“Ok, Ok” he said, taking a deep breath and trying to control his emotions. 

“I never thought I’d see this day” he muttered and tried to formulate an answer that wouldn’t include himself getting yelled at, beaten or rejected in any other way. It felt impossible.

“I’m your boyfriend” he settled on, and put his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron shook it of. 

“Yeah, right. Boyfriends, likely story are you with my mum?” he asked again.

Robert sighed. Deeply. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so annoying. He wondered if this was how Aaron felt every time he’d insisted he was straight, when they started off their relationship. He told Aaron so:

“This must be how it felt for you, every time I said I was straight” he muttered. He took a deep breath and tried to shut of his feelings. He wasn’t being rejected. He couldn't lash out at Aaron. Aaron was not rejecting him. He was suffering from memory loss. He would remember eventually, and then he would remember this too. If he lashed out now. He would hate himself later. He concentrated on that feeling while he tried to explain to Aaron. 

“It’s Ok, Aaron, you’re out, and we don’t have to talk about it” he tried. He moved to go back to the chair. Aaron looked at him. If you asked Robert he’d say, Aaron looked suspicious. 

“What do you mean you’re straight? Are you, or not? Am I” Aaron seemed confused when he blurted out his questions. Robert felt a sad smile spread on his face. 

“Well, we both had some difficulties before we got settled” he ended up saying. “Your mum can tell you better about your struggles with your sexuality, I can tell you about other struggles” he continued, choosing his words carefully, before continuing, “but I don’t think its either the time or the place”.

He took a pause and a deep breath, before he continued. 

“We found each other on the other side of them. It took it’s time, but we are” he stopped again to chose his words “well before this we were, in a good place” he explained. He thought he got the essence of it all. He could see Aaron’s mind work as he laid back in the bed. He seemed even more confused now, than before. 

“I don’t know what to do with this” he said, and Robert nodded. “It’s just weird” Robert felt himself cringe as Aaron spoke. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not gay” Aaron stated. Robert tensed, before he started laughing. He couldn’t stop. He laughed at the statement, and at the feeling of sheer rejection he felt, the hurt. He laughed because if he didn’t he would start crying. 

“I promise” he panted, “I’m not laughing at you” he swore. He still couldn’t stop. Even when he saw the stubborn look in Aaron’s face. He was still laughing when Aaron asked him the next question, about where home was.

“Home is in Mill cottage” he told him, as he tried to stop laughing and catch his breath. He watched Aaron scoff, and wondered why, what he thought about.

“So, I’m 26 and still live with my mother and her husband then?” he asked Robert, sounding strained. Robert realised how Aaron’s thoughts had worked, and laughed again. He stopped feeling concerned. It wasn’t really nice of him to laugh. But still, it felt better than to cry, didn’t it? It did. He looked down at Aaron, who looked confused, angry, and a little bit scared. He wanted to pull him in for a hug, to comfort him. He settled for asking if he was okay. 

“No, I’m not ok” Aaron told him. Sounding annoyed. “I’m here in a dark room, with someone I don’t know” and that hurt Robert, really hurt him, but Aaron continued “who keep telling me that I have a boyfriend when I’m not even gay” Robert could hear Aaron’s frustration as he spoke. The sadness that spread within him was unstoppable. He got where Aaron came from, he really did. But it still hurt. A lot.

“You don’t live with your mum” Robert tried to keep a light touch to his words. Not showing how much he really hurt, “she lives at the pub” he continued. Weighing his words. He decided to continue and tell the truth, “We live at Mill cottage, with Liv and Seb, You, and me” he tried to clarify.

Suddenly Aaron’s face split up in a smile. It was a weird smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Robert looked at him with caution. 

“So, we live together” Aaron said “you and I, I’m straight, and we live in Mill cottage with two other persons, am I right?” He could hear Aaron mocking him, but he still nodded and Aaron leant forward.

“Yeah, right, you better not be there when I wake up” Aaron said, he sounded offended Robert looked at him. It hurt like a knife wound to the chest. Well to be shot, hadn’t hurt more, he was sure of it. He knew from experience. He picked up his mobile and made a call. He put the phone on speaker and Chas answered, sounding panicked. Robert calmed her down, told her that there was nothing wrong with Aaron but that he needed to speak with her.

“Aaron knows, and he doesn’t believe me” he told Chas with a broken voice. “He wants me gone” he admitted quietly. “Could one of you come over here, and stay with him” he begged, “I don’t want him to be here alone”. Defeated he looked at Aaron.

Chas started yelling at Aaron, immediately. “Am I on speaker?” she demanded, “Aaron Dingle” she yelled “You idiot! Now be nice to Robert or I’ll come over and slap you silly!” Robert had to smile. Especially when Aaron muttered an insult and Chas started screaming about coming over. 

Robert looked at Aaron, who looked back and stubbornly held on to his truth:

“I’m not gay” he stated

Robert didn’t give up, but he didn’t want any trouble so he agreed.

“Of course you’re not, of course not” he could hear himself sounding as sad, and defeated as he felt. He knew his face showed it too. With that he could see Aaron relaxing and saw him close his eyes. He was him trying to fall asleep, he saw him keep turning, he moved the chair closer. Not giving up he thought. He sat down and put his hand on Aaron’s hip. Aaron seemed to calm down, and he stilled, and fell asleep. 

Robert kept looking down at Aaron. Hoping that dawn would come soon, and that it would bring back his Aaron. It took a while, but sleep overtook him. He leant his head on Aaron’s bed and fell asleep.   
*  
He woke up with a hand in his hair he moved his head and the hand stroked him. His body was aching. He’d been sleeping in an odd stance. The day before slowly came back to him. Suddenly he rose his head and met Aarons eyes. Aaron, who smiled.

“Morning Rob” Aaron said, his smile wide and wonderful, “what happened?” he asked “who are with the kids?”

Robert’s heart skipped a beat.

“Is that you Aaron?” he asked. To his relief Aaron nodded.

He couldn’t help himself. He had to know.

“Are you straight Aaron?” he asked.

Aaron gave him the most wonderful smile in the world. 

“I better not be, we’ve got a wedding to plan” he said.

Roberts heart grew two sizes and he let a wide smile cross his face, he was so, very, very happy! He got his Aaron back.


End file.
